"I CAN", INSTEAD OF " I CAN'T"
I just recently came across and started researching this new phrase:
"LEARNED HELPLESSNESS".
Basically, it's
a condition in which a person suffers from a sense of powerlessness, arising from a traumatic event or persistent failure to succeed.
learned helplessness is NOT about a child being lazy and never wanting to do anything just cuz.
Now go with me on this one....
The opposite end of ASSUMING COMPETENCE is the idea that kiddos with special needs may not be able to do much. The thought process is "don’t expect too much"….. The only problem with that train of thought is that when we treat kids (who have special needs or not) like they aren’t going to amount to much, and the only message they hear and feel over and over again is that they won't amount to much, then sooner or later, they will eventually start to believe and subsequently act like it. (aka, a version of learned helplessness)
if I am always doing things for Elijah that he can very well do on his own or can LEARN how to do, and if I am constantly communicating that he can only do so much because he is limited, he will probably eventually get to the point where effort doesn't have much value, and trying becomes futile because, " I won't amount to much anyway"....
I think that the "persistent failure to succeed" and a "sense of powerlessness" can possibly come from an environment that doesn't cultivate WORTHINESS for kids with special abilities. I think is can come out of the perception that kids with special abilities aren't worth as much, or can't do as much because of their diagnosis. I think its possible that our culture is still set up in some areas to just "endure" and "be nice" to people with special abilities, instead of being set up to treat them like we should everyone else, with RESPECT and WORTH.
So what can we DO?
first of all, know that ALL kids at some point and to some degree will push the limits and boundaries of their environment.
I WANT Elijah to push boundaries - SO I will encourage him to push the boundaries of what he CAN do, and not let the boundaries of "I CAN'T", or I’m just “NOT CAPABLE” creep in.
We ALL need people to come along side us and say, "YES, YOU CAN!!!"
Elijah and kids like him with special abilities need the SAME THING!!
So be the Cheerleader instead of the Diminisher in the lives of others!
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Another thing about kids (and just people in general) is that they HEAR the things said ABOUT and TO him.
If I am always being told I can only go so far, or do so much, and If I am constantly inundated with what my limitations are, I’m probably gonna start believing those things.
So, speak words that are life giving, hope giving, and full of encouragement -
EVEN when you think the person isn't in ear shot or "not around" to hear. We build the culture people live in by what we say and do. I want Elijah to live in a world where his FULL WORTH is known, and that starts with setting the tone, the perception, and the mindset of cultivating WORTH when Lij is present, AND also all the times he isn't. (That just means all the time, heheh)
It's important to know a child’s physical capabilities and not push them beyond what they can physically or mentally handle. BUT, I think kids are extremely capable to do way more and go way farther than we often give them credit for.
ALWAYS ASSUME COMPETENCE
AND....
REMEMBER THAT PART OF CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT THAT PEOPLE CAN THRIVE IN ACTUALLY MEANS CULTIVATING AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE LEARNED HELPLESSNESS DOESN'T FIT INTO THE EQUATION.
Everyone needs to KNOW that they are VALUED, LOVED, SUPPORTED, and CAPABLE of GIVING, TRYING, and DOING their BEST.
(Disclaimer, I do not have a degree in child psychology or am in any way an expert in the field of child development. I am speaking solely as a mom who is constantly learning as I continually advocate for my babes - I encourage you to do the same!)
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http://upsaboutdowns.blogspot.com/2010/05/learned-helplessness.html?m=1
https://numberworksnwords.com/nz/blog/when-children-fail-in-school-understanding-learned-helplessness/#.W2opwaRlAaw